Tending the Garden Within: Growing Through Anxiety and Overwhelm
Anxiety is often seen as something to fix, fight, or suppress. But what if we shifted our perspective? What if anxiety wasn’t an enemy, but a messenger? What if our feelings of overwhelm were not evidence of weakness, but signals of unmet needs?
In this week’s blog, we’ll explore how Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and an attachment lens help us make sense of anxiety in a new, more compassionate way. For individuals in St. Charles, IL and beyond, understanding anxiety as a relational and emotional signal opens the door to real growth.
Anxiety Through the Lens of Attachment
In EFT, we don’t just look at symptoms; we ask: What is your anxiety trying to protect you from? Where does it come from? And how has it served you?
Often, anxiety is rooted in early experiences where emotional needs weren’t met reliably. You might have learned to become hypervigilant, scanning your environment for signs of danger or rejection. Or perhaps you learned to manage overwhelming feelings by staying busy, staying quiet, or staying in control.
These strategies may have been necessary at one time. But as adults, they can leave us feeling disconnected—from others, and from ourselves.
Common Ways Anxiety Shows Up:
Racing thoughts
Fear of making mistakes or disappointing others
Overpreparing or people-pleasing
Emotional shutdown
Restlessness or chronic worry
Each of these has a story underneath. EFT helps us access the emotions and needs that drive these patterns.
From Judgment to Curiosity
One of the first steps in healing from anxiety is shifting from judgment to curiosity. Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me?” we begin to ask, “What is happening in me and around me?” and “What is this anxiety trying to protect me from?”
In therapy, this shift opens up space for deeper exploration. Instead of trying to get rid of anxiety, we turn toward it gently, asking it what it needs. We notice the bodily sensations, name the emotions, and connect them to experiences and unmet attachment needs.
How EFT Helps Us Work Through Anxiety
In Emotionally Focused Therapy, we approach anxiety with compassion. Here’s how EFT can help:
Creating a safe, attuned space where you feel held and not judged
Identifying secondary emotions like anxiety and exploring the primary emotions beneath them (e.g., fear, sadness, shame)
Reframing your anxiety as a protector and not a flaw
Connecting anxiety to attachment history and unmet emotional needs
Developing new patterns of emotional regulation and deeper self-connection
Growing Through Anxiety
True growth happens when we stop fighting ourselves and begin listening with tenderness. When you turn toward your anxiety with kindness, you create the conditions for emotional integration and healing.
Here are some ways to foster growth through anxiety:
Name what you feel without minimizing it
Breathe and ground when anxiety rises
Ask yourself what your anxiety might be trying to protect you from
Journal your internal experiences without censoring them
Bring your anxious parts into therapy where they can be understood and soothed
Real Growth Looks Like:
Greater self-awareness and emotional flexibility
Less shame around your anxiety and more compassion
Being able to regulate your nervous system with support
Healthier relationships because you’re more attuned to your needs and less reactive to fear
Therapy in St. Charles, IL That Understands Anxiety
At Soothing Connections Counseling, I specialize in helping clients not just manage anxiety—but understand it. I use Emotionally Focused Therapy to help clients in St. Charles, Geneva, and surrounding communities grow in self-compassion, self-regulation, and emotional connection.
If you’re ready to stop fighting your anxiety and start growing through it, I’m here to walk alongside you.
Next week’s Blog: "Roots and Wings: Supporting Your Partner’s Growth While Honoring Your Own" — how couples can hold space for mutual healing and individuality.